Happy Halloween!

We did it! We made it to Halloween!

Everybody, now is the time to buy stock in Joann's because I was there DAILY for 2 weeks straight. AND...I finally bought myself a pair of Gingher designer scissors to reward myself for my efforts. Just in time to cut out the eyes for Alice's costume. Worth the money! Use those Joann coupons!

Alice's unicorn was sewn from Simplicity pattern 1032. I admit I did not add the tail or wings for three reasons:

1. Over it.
2. She will be in a carrier while we are out getting candy, so what's the point?
3. Over it.

The wings and the tail are all cut out and ready to be added...but I'm not doing that right now. Maybe next year since the costume will obviously still fit her.

My thoughts on the pattern: it is very basic, simple, and straightforward. I got most of it done in just a few hours. There are a lot of hand sewn elements, but that never bothered me - I actually welcomed the change of pace. For the eyes, I hand sewed them in place, rather than using the zigzag machine stitch suggested in the pattern.

Everett's costume was sewn from Simplicity 1765. For a while he was saying he wanted to be a lion again (Jehovah be praised!), then he changed his mind and asked if I would make him a stegosaurus (womp womp).

The pattern: super straightforward! The feet were the most challenging part. It took me a hot second to figure out how to attach them to the legs, but I managed. The instructions for the bias tape (which houses the ankle elastic) were confusing to me, but I think I was reading them at about 11pm and I'd never used bias tape before. My only #questioningface happened when the pattern instructed me to attach the little front plates with fabric glue. So far they are sticking, but if your kiddo will be wearing this more than one night I suggest stitching around the outside to secure them in place (I did this with one and was over it, but I will do this with all of them once I feel like winding another green bobbin). Also...I didn't line the hood, which is why it looks a little wonky. I know my kid, and don't see him wearing the hood for longer than a couple obligatory pictures (see first picture), so I didn't care to add more steps to the process.

You guys, as long as my kiddo asks me to make him a costume, I will make him one. I think these days are numbered, and I hope the little a-holes his age do not crush his sweet spirit when it comes to Halloween costumes. Today I watched his classmates talk about how they were dressed as bad guys, and they were talking about killing things. Right now my sweet son just wants to be a dinosaur who eats spinach. I'm just over here wondering why 3-year-olds are watching violent movies, but that's just me being judgmental.

Another good Simplicity pattern find from one of my many trips to Joann's: NEMO! Can you even imagine how cute it would be to see a Nemo at your front door? I die! (Maybe Alice will not be a unicorn again next year after all.)

Enjoy your night! Stay safe! Don't slash anyone's tires!

Mondays

Every day I find myself apologizing. Apologizing to myself for not being the person I want to be. I feel hurt and shame every day. This is motherhood.

I work hard. I think about my kids all day long, and am desperate to hold them.

Then I pick up my daughter from daycare and she has not slept all day. She is shown love and acceptance from her caregivers, but she cannot seem to get her basic needs met. She cries all night until I put her to bed. I cannot even offer her dinner because she is so beside herself.

I pick up my son from daycare. He has been 1 in 20 all day long. He does not eat or sleep all day because no one notices his needs. He is wild and hangry when I pick him up, and he is beside himself until he gets to bed.

I dread every night Monday - Wednesday.

And so I apologize to myself for making another frozen pizza for dinner. For leaving a stack of laundry unfolded because I am Just. Too. Tired. For sleeping through my alarm and missing out on my only opportunity for exercise at 4:30am. For raising my voice at Everett when he pushes my buttons. For not keeping a cleaner house. For skipping showers and social gatherings. For eating too many cookies and holding onto those last 5 pounds. For being so anxiety-ridden that I find myself petrified when I finally have the time and energy for something.

There are many things I am giving my children by working full time, but I know there are also so many things they are not getting because of this decision. I hate that I have to choose, so I ask myself for forgiveness.

This is a phase and it will pass. Do you see that layer of dust? I chose to leave it there so I could spend my only free moments building a happy family. We are wanting in many ways, but we have each other.

I am sorry.

These pictures were taken on our trip to Glacier National Park this summer. This is the best photography I can manage with a wiggling baby strapped to me.