How do I feel?
Although this pregnancy journey has not been an easy one, I still have fears over what will come in the Beyond. It feels like this baby has been sucking the life out of me for 9 months, but I am not sure if having a newborn is easier/better than 1) not being able to lift my legs higher than 3 inches, 2) peeing my pants, 3) having heartburn so severe that I have bile in my mouth on a regular basis, 4) having swollen and numb extremities, 5) so many more disgusting complaints that it would be impossible to list all of them. My body is ready to NOT BE PREGNANT, but I also know that a baby will throw our lives into complete chaos. So, the body is there but the heart is not.
Please send positive vibes my way. These ankles could use all the loving thoughts and prayers you have to offer.
Speaking of ankles, I went to the Davenport Spa and got an amazing prenatal massage from their therapist Jill. It was one of the more heavenly experiences I've had. She rubbed my cankles so hard, and the swelling temporarily went down. I could use more Jill in my life.
Also, can I just say that we have the sweetest son in the whole world? I have a lot of mom guilt that I can't give him the attention I was once able to - such as playing cars/puzzles on the floor, dancing, and taking long walks. However, he has been such a trooper. He holds my hands to help me get up, and he rubs my back when he sees I am in pain. I hope every parent is as lucky as we are, because he is such a bright light in this world.
Milkshakes in any flavor.
The smell of alcoholic beverages makes me feel nauseous. Not a food aversion per se, but body odor is completely disgusting to me right now.
Good and bad. I was averaging 4 hours a night for a while. The other night I finally pulled out the hypnobirthing CD and got myself back into a deep slumber. Sleep has been easier since then. I needed that reminder to put myself into a meditative state when falling asleep.
I am still feeling movement, but it is not as intense. I'm thinking baby is running out of room. To compensate, my hips have gotten even wider. I did not think this was possible. My hips are basically killing me because of this.
Innie and bursting at the seams.
Pregnancy is not kind to me. I feel like I've been robbed of all the wonderful pregnancy experiences some women have. As much as I want to have more kids, Jeff and I agree that we may need to throw in the towel after this one. I'm not sure if I mentioned this or not, but the day after I found out I was pregnant I broke out into hives and my eyes were swollen shut. This was the beginning of the next 9 months. The nausea started shortly after that, followed by severe SPD. Debilitating heartburn soon followed. Thank goodness my emotions have been okay. It's hard to lose my body and everything it was once capable of, but I continue to cope and I'm excited to get back more physical pieces of myself.