Friday, February 7, 2014

Taking Charge!

By this point in our adult lives, we all know that sometimes life's lessons are best learned through failure. We make mistakes, we suffer the consequences of those mistakes, we pull ourselves up by our proverbial bootstraps, and we move on with life. And so it shall be until the day we die.

Without further ado, we present to you: Wirth Mistakes 2014.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye!
Come One, Come All!
Hear My Woes and
Hear my Call!

Dear World, and especially women, please take a few days out of your hectic lives to read this fascinating study on the female body.

I promise that you will have much less stress in your life, and you'll probably save yourself some money down the line (ovulation prediction kits and pregnancy tests are frickin' expensive). Basically, this book means fewer trips to the drug store, and a more profound knowledge of the (cough) fluids being emitted from your body. 

HOWEVER, it also means you know when there is a crisis on hand. Like when you nonchalantly use a condom from the bargain bin at Lovers (cough, Mistake) and it does not serve its purpose (epic failure), right around that time of month when the book tells you not to make any Mistakes.

Folks, I am happy to report that all is Mistake-free! The lesson here? Don't make 5 Mistakes like my parents did. So Irish. So Catholic. But all 5 of us are pretty cool, so sometimes Mistakes are good, but...

Rule out those Mistakes and follow this book to the expensive condom boxes at peak ovulation. Because life is too short to be waiting 2 weeks for a pregnancy test.

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