Wednesday, November 14, 2012

To everyone who tells me my baby has "dropped": my ribs disagree, and thanks for noticing that I got fatter since you last saw me.

Things you shouldn't say to someone who is 39 weeks pregnant:

"Wow! How many weeks overdue are you?"
My response: "Oh, I still have a few days left. I'm actually hoping I go over my due date."
What I wanted to say: "Bitch I just zipped up this coat and it's a size small."

"Are you sure you want to do this?" 
My response: Awkward laughter.
What I wanted to say: "If it's so terrible, why are you talking about how much you want another one?"

"Oh you're due soon? My cousin just had her baby. She called me last night in tears saying, 'What was I thinking?'" 
My response: "Oh poor thing!"
What I wanted to say: "Your cousin should see a doctor about postpartum depression."

"What are you reading? Happiest Baby on the Block? Yeah, good luck with THAT!"
My response: "Yeah a couple people recommended the book."
What I wanted to say: "I WILL have the happiest baby on the block because he will be the ONLY baby on the block. If we were grading on the bell curve, my baby would beat your suburb baby. So yeah, beat that. I win."

"Newborn babies are sort of disgusting and ugly."
My response: "Some of them do resemble aliens after they're born."
What I wanted to say: "Your kid is three years old. What's your excuse for having such an ugly child?"

People, if you know what's best for you, don't say things like this to a pregnant woman. EVER. If you say things like this to me, I'll quote you on this blog and people will judge you.

So in conclusion, I am well aware my life is about to change, and that my body will go through intense physical changes during childbirth, but please know I am only accepting positive advice and comments from this day forward. Please and thank you.

And another one for good measure:
"Cute shirt! Is that new?"
What I actually said: "No, I've had this for a while. You might recognize this shirt as a dress I used to wear."
The wardrobe situation is getting a little iffy.  

How do I feel?
Physically, I feel pretty good. I basically sit at a desk all day, and only have to muster up enough energy to get from work to the couch. I don't know what I would do if I had to work on my feet.

Emotionally, I am incredibly nervous about all this. I was sitting on the couch the other night in my Pacific Northwest-themed nightgown, sweats, and slippers (eating Rosauers cookies) when it dawned on me that there could be a baby sitting next to me in DAYS!!! What am I going to do with a baby?! I'm not responsible enough to be in charge of another human being!

I've been riding the relaxin hormone train for the last 9 months, and I'm thinking my body stopped producing this for me last week. For those who aren't familiar with pregnancy or science, relaxin is that wonderful, blissful hormone that makes your chronic backache disappear during pregnancy, and helps your mind to relax when you discover you are pregnant (so as to prevent unnecessary panic attacks). This hormone is also what causes the stomach muscles to relax/dissipate in early pregnancy to accommodate a growing uterus (I lost my abs by the time I was 8 weeks pregnant).

Thanks to relaxin, my attitude about pregnancy thus far has been, "Everything will work out just fine." (Relaxin can also block logical thinking.) Nowadays, I'm saying to myself, "NOOOOO!"

On the bright side, I finally feel like my brain is reverting back to its normal state.  I lost something the other day, then I remembered where I put it. Nice!

Weight gain?

Food cravings?
Food sounds pretty disgusting most of the time (except Rosauers cookies). Where could I possibly put any food? Although I am really excited for Thanksgiving dinner.** My brother and his girlfriend will be in town from Mexico, and I can't wait to spend time with them.

Food aversions?
Not anything in particular.  

Been doing a lot of this. Jeff came home from work every night last week to me sleeping on the couch. Random cramps will wake me up in the middle of the night, or during my naps. These cramps have been devastatingly painful, so I'm hoping I don't suffer from them on top of contractions when Game Time comes.

Projected Game Day?
**November 22, 2012/Thanksgiving Day

Yup, that was a vital organ you just punched...

Stretch marks?
I performed a pretty thorough inspection, and have concluded there are no stretch marks yet.

It hurts so bad! Still a stressed out innie. 

Man parts.

What have I learned?
Sometimes you just need to cry it out. I feel much better when I get the opportunity to express my emotions physically, so never deny yourself of this outlet. 

I could not have gotten through the last 9 months without the love and support I have received from family and friends. I would especially like to take this time to thank my mom, who spent almost every weekend with me putting together the nursery, scrubbing the house, taking trips to Babies R Us, etc. I couldn't have done it without you!

 This is one of my favorite prints by Nikki McClure

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