Monday, August 19, 2013

Dear Feminists, SUCK IT.

I am woman.

I am wife. I am daughter. I am mother. I am sister. I am aunt. I am worker. I am counselor. I am provider. I am manager. I am owner. I am leader.

Back in Betty Draper's age, us gals had a job to do. We raised the kids, cooked dinners, cleaned the home, and maintained the status quo. The men went off into the city every day, made important decisions, had grownup conversations, hired prostitutes, witnessed cutting edge revolutions, and changed the world. But here's the thing, women are way cooler than men, so why didn't we get to do all the cool stuff? Why did men have all the power, while we were stuck at home with the bleach and a toilet brush?

We can do the same things you men do, we can do it just as well (maybe/probably better), AND we can still run a home. WE ARE WOMAN!

In theory.

But in practice, this is a very complicated business. Times have changed since the Betty Drapers wanted to run a company. We can't hire in-home help from lower classes at dirt cheap prices - because modern day slavery is now illegal. Daycare costs more than my mortgage. Our wages are barely enough to live on, and add child care costs on top of that - don't even get me started. American work standards require us to be away from home 50 hours a week plus commuting time, and most people spend an extra 30 minutes to an hour commuting to a daycare facility to pick up their kids. Whether you are man or woman, homeowner or renter, or have children or no children, maintaining a clean and orderly household is a full time job.

There are 168 hours in a week. Here is how I spend those hours.

Women of the world, I am here to report back: IT'S NOT WORKING. The system is broken, and it's going to take another revolution to get this fixed. Child care costs are astronomical, but the cost of health insurance if I am a stay-at-home-mom is even higher. And let's talk about child care for a moment. Not only are we paying someone else a huge chunk of cash to take care of our child, but most caregivers are as excited to watch your child as that mail order bride is excited to be wed to your old sociology professor. They are "just being a nanny until I find a real job," or, "working in a daycare center to make some extra money." In the words of Desiree Hartsock, they are not "here for the right reasons." If you look on for a caregiver, you may find a wonderful individual, but she/he will likely only be around for a couple weeks.

Dear prospective advertisers, please don't. Jumping from nanny to nanny every 3 weeks is not stable for a child. I don't care if you are saving money for your trip to Europe.

We have been incredibly fortunate as far as childcare. My sister has been watching Everett part time, and we had the best nanny in the world. But all good things must come to an end, and now we are being put through a lot of stress trying to piece together a new schedule. Will my son have a babysitter in 2 weeks? Only time can tell.

I must admit, I am incredibly lucky. My husband does a lot around the house, including much of the cooking, cleaning, diaper changes, laundry, etc. For many women, you got what you wanted when you were allowed to join the work force, but you are still expected to take care of the home. Shut that shit down and tell your husbands how it's going to be. Seriously, this is 2013.

And to single parents who are working, we applaud you!

As of 1 week ago, I am of the 1%. My generous, loving, and empathetic bosses gave me the best gift in the world: I am now telecommuting one day a week. Thank you Jesus! To the other 99% of working women who are struggling with me (circa 2 weeks ago), we need to make some changes. If we are going to start a revolution, we need to do it soon. I pulled out 2 gray hairs the other day, and my vanity can't handle any more.

We are women, and together we stand. Let us unite and change the definition of feminism!

And then this guy.

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