You're Pregnant? Life At 22 Weeks

Remember how I had a hard time hiding my pregnancy early on? Well, now I am having difficulties convincing people I'm pregnant. I get sideways [judgmental] glances from coworkers while washing my hands in the bathroom sink. I can see the wheels turning in their heads, "Is that a maternity top, or did she just eat a big lunch?" I bought a Snap N Go stroller from someone on Craigslist (I might be a little too excited about this purchase). The seller looked at me and said, "So are you buying this for someone as a gift, or are you just really early?" When I tell people I am 22 weeks, they look at me like I'm crazy.

People: my doctor - who has the most important opinion in my book - is convinced I am 22 weeks pregnant, the tumbling and turning of a creature in my stomach convinces me I am 22 weeks pregnant, and I've gained upwards of 15 lbs (well above average for someone my height). So yes, I am in fact pregnant...and 22 weeks at that.

I think part of the problem is the disbursement of weight gain. Between 12 and 16 weeks, my chest had gone from being large to gargantuan. Maybe people just can't see the baby bump because it's hiding under my giant rack?

And now for a fun hormonal story. When I expressed frustrations about my teenage boy appetite to my sister-in-law Angie, the clever girl had many great suggestions, one of which was to drink a serving of Muscle Milk when I get my mid-morning craving (10am on the dot!). They are semi-nutritious and filling, while providing a dose of much needed protein to a vegetarian. I made a trip to Costco for this specific item. As much as certain family members of mine love this store (you know who you are...Dad), I get frustrated and overwhelmed by the amount of overweight people standing in the middle of the aisles. Call me rude, but you're being rude and I have better things to do with my time than watch you wait for a sample. Anyhoo, the whole affair took nearly two hours when you factor in driving and the fact that I couldn't find the product I was looking for, and I was more than ready to start my experiment the next day.

At 10am the next morning (snack time!), the Muscle Milk was nowhere to be found. I remembered taking it out of the refrigerator, and I could have sworn I put it in my work bag. My confusion and hunger quickly turned into rage as I threw all the possessions out of my purse and work bag, then stormed around the office in a fury, frantically searching for something that would not be found. WTF Emily, why can't you ever do anything right! You spent two hours of your precious time getting this stuff only to leave it at home?!?! I have always been hard on myself, but at this moment I could think of no better solution than to slap myself as hard as I could. I mean, REALLY slap myself. I needed to cause myself intense physical pain because I deserved it for my utter stupidity. I made the freakin' trip to Costco only to forget the goods at home!

Don't worry folks, I didn't cause myself any harm. But I did get a good look at the capability of my hormones. As I type this blog and sip on my Muscle Milk, I can look back on the experience, wonder why I started crying and freaking out over such a stupid thing, and laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. Lesson learned...beware the pregnancy hormones!

Breakdown

How do I feel?
For a few hours I thought morning sickness had returned. Then I realized this is how heartburn feels. The old wives say heartburn means your baby will be hairy. I believe it, because Jeff is not the smoothest man out there. I just hope all those little hairs are on the darker end of the color spectrum.

Weight gain?
17 lbs

Food cravings?
Gimme some Muscle Milk! Also, I am starting to realize my day isn't complete unless I've eaten a banana and had a glass of OJ.

Food aversions?
Fish. Ew.

Sleep?
Still getting up to use the restroom. Jeff's mom gifted us a Tempurpedic pillow that I just remembered we had in the basement. The thing is huge! I would never use it as a real pillow, but it feels amazing tucked between pregnant legs. I can even prop up one leg and roll over far enough to make it feel like I'm sleeping on my stomach! I do not know how much these things cost, but it could be worth the investment for pregnancy.

Movement?
So much! And I'm starting to notice waking/sleeping patterns.

Gender?
Still a boy!

What have I learned?
If you feel a hormonal attack coming on, it's best to warn people in advance. For example, earlier today I had to use the following statement, "This is the third time I've called about this issue today, so I apologize in advance if I sound frustrated." I find people are usually more receptive to you when you admit to being a bitch.